Friendly Tips On Friendship

 Research shows that "surprisingly few adults" report having close, personal friends, with whom they could feel safe in discussing almost anything and whom they felt they could count on for help in times of need.  Only 20% of the men and 53% of the ladies in a national survey reported having such a friend. There seems to be so little time anymore to hug, to talk, to listen, and/or to care.  So little time to enjoy and establish intimate, life-changing relationships outside of our own families.

 The report also noted that nearly everyone had such a friend as a child or as a teenager, but such relationships seem harder to begin, or maintain, in the adult years.  Likewise, those surveyed shared a desire for deep personal and honest friendship, yet they knew many of their business associates and neighbors whom they call friends, would quickly drop them under many circumstances.

 In fact, someone once wrote in response to the command of Jesus to “love your neighbor:” "It's hard enough these days to love a wife, a husband, a kid, or a parent.  How can we possibly love the world--and particularly our neighbor in that world?"  The writer raises a good question.

 Nonetheless, Jesus commanded in Luke 16:9, “And I say, make friends for yourselves.”

 Genesis 2 notes the creation of man. God places Adam in the beautiful Garden of Eden. He has scenery beyond compare. Animals of every type and they're all tame. He has ample food and provision. YET SOMETHING IS MISSING! Thus, verse 18 notes: “It is not good for the man to be alone.”

 The reason behind this awesome need is God created us to be social creatures.  Our need for others is deeply rooted in the way God designed the human race.  Remember with me Genesis, Chapter 1. Seven times here, God looked at what He had made and said, “It is good.”  From the light to the land to the fish of the sea - each time He made something, He expressed pleasure over His creation. But in Chapter 2, God saw something that was not good. He looked at Adam sitting all by himself and again said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.”

 But was Adam alone? He had nature. He had a peaceful relationship with all the animals. He even had a special and unique relationship with God. They walked and talked together. Yet, all of this was not enough. Something was still missing.  Adam was still alone. 

 Notice now Genesis 2:21-22, “So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.”

 When God went searching for a remedy to Adam's loneliness, out of all of the options open and remedies available, HE GAVE ADAM ANOTHER HUMAN BEING; He gave Adam Eve.  Only someone made of the same "stuff" as Adam would be capable of meeting this real need of intimacy.  HAD EVE NOT BEEN TAKEN FROM ADAM'S RIB, SHE WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO CAPTURE ADAM’S HEART!

The point is, we were all created with a need that only friendship and companionship with another person can fill.

 On a TV program in Los Angeles, which had to do with the most annoying noises, a commentator asked a number of people what noise bothered them more than any other.  One man, apparently weary of traffic jams, said, "Freeway noise, that's undoubtedly the worst.  At 5:00 it's the most unbearable."  A woman who lives next to L.A. International Airport answered, "Those jets taking off and landing. I don't think I can stand them any longer."  It was a young man, though, who gave the answer that intrigued me the most.  Notice his words.  "Loneliness is the most terrible noise in my life.  Yeah," he said, "being alone.  Quietness.  I can't take it."

 WHAT IS A FRIEND?

Let me give you some basic definitions: 

·        "Somebody that knows all about you and loves you anyway."

·        "The one who steps in when the world steps out."

·        "A friend is one who never gets in the way, except when we are on the way down."

·        A friend is someone who feels affection/love for you.

 Samuel Coleridge wrote a poem titled "Youth and Age" with the line, "Friendship is a sheltering tree” That is a wonderful word picture.

Friends are those whose lives are like branches.

·        They provide shade, they provide refuge from the demanding, irritating, and searing rays of the hot sun. You can find comfort by them.

·        They are tree-like in that they bear fruit that provides nourishment and encouragement.

·        You can find strength near them.

 Isn't it interesting that when something occurs in your life and you are alone, you pick up the phone and call a friend? You want to connect with someone else. Few things are more lonely than going through a sudden test or joy and having no friend to call.

 The Bible defines true friendship with these words:

·        Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” 

·        John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life

      for his friends.” This is how Jesus chose to manifest His deep loving friendship to man.

·        Romans 12:10, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.”

Across the grasslands of East Africa, live some of nature's most fascinating animals. The rhinoceros, a two-horned terror of tremendous speed, size and agility, is feared by most of the creatures of the wild. Being one of the most dangerous animals in the world, the rhino is avoided by most animals, that is, except the buffalo bird.

Watching the rhinoceros in his natural habitat, you would see these birds perched on his back. From time to time, some would be pecking into his back much as a woodpecker would work away at an old tree. Others would be flying about the head of the rhino and still others lighting on his ears and pecking away.  The most amazing thing is that the rhino does not attack, for the two have an understanding.

From birth, the rhino has poor eyesight.  In addition, his body is covered with parasites which he cannot control.  The flock of birds on his back do him a great service by eating these parasites, which are the whole of their diet. If there is any danger in the area, these birds let out a shrill call warning the rhino of what he cannot see. In return for this service, they are protected from their natural predators by one of Africa's largest mammals.

In a real sense, these two totally different animals of the wild kingdom are fulfilling the responsibilities of mutual friendship. 

 Why is friendship important?

Let me give you several reasons:

1.         OUR inter-personal relationships provides God with an excellent measure of how much we love HIM.

The Wednesday before Jesus was crucified, a Pharisee asked Him, “What is the greatest commandment in the Law?”  Jesus immediately answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment’” (Matthew 22:37-38).

 If religious commitment were just a matter of loving God, there would be far more religious people in the world today. To our dismay, though, Jesus did not limit the practice of religion to the way we feel about God. He gave a second command to go with the first, one that was equally great in His mind. “And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39).

 The Pharisee asked for the single greatest commandment. Evidently, Jesus felt He could not do justice to the question by responding with one and only one command. Certainly, love for God was primary in Christ's mind, but this second command was closely allied.

The teaching hit home. You see, some of the Pharisees defined religion only in terms of their relationship with God. Faith was a vertical business conducted between Heaven and earth. Not even a bleeding brother at the side of the road, or a needy parent, kept them from proper religious service.

 Love of God was first, everything else was a distant second. Jesus though challenged them with the thought that authentic Christianity is both vertical and horizontal.  We must exercise both a love for God and a love for people to avoid having a farce religion.

1 John 4:20-21 warns, “For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: 'Who-ever loves God must also love his brother”  

 Then James writes, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be” (James 3:9-10).

 For the Christian, loving others is not an option; it is a command we cannot afford to disobey.

I like this story. I understand it is true. A young lady named Joan tells of an unforgettable experience that she had in a seminary class.

Joan walked into class one day only to discover a big target on the wall and a  table that had been laden down with darts. The instructor told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry. He then informed them, to their delight, that they were going to be allowed to throw darts at the person's picture.

Joan's girlfriend (on her right), drew a picture of a girl who had stolen her boy-friend. Another friend (on her left), drew a picture of his little brother. Joan drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. She was pleased at the overall effect she had achieved.

The class lined up and began throwing darts, with much laughter and hilarity. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that the targets was ripping apart. Joan looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when the prof. stopped the exercise and asked the students to return to their seats.

As Joan sat down with darts in hand, the teacher  began removing the target from the wall. Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A complete hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced out.
The instructor then quietly quoted these words of our Lord: “In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me.” No other words were necessary; the tear-filled eyes of each student focused only on the picture of Christ.

Someone noted:

To live above with the saints we love, now that will be glory.

To live below with the saints we know, that’s a different story.

Again our relationships with one another shows us the level of love that we have for God.

 2.         Friendship creates an open door into which we can lead others to find help and salvation in Jesus Christ. 

The New Testament tells of 40 people, each suffering from some disease, who were healed by Jesus.  Of this number, 34 were either brought to Jesus by friends, or else He was taken to them.  In only six cases out of forty did the sufferers find their way to Jesus without assistance. 

 Today, some 70-90% of people who receive salvation are led to the Lord through friends or family. Evangelism is not so much salesmanship as it is friendship.

 Listen please to this quote: "All my life I have been seeking to climb out of the pit of my besetting sins and I cannot do it and I never will unless a hand is let down to draw me up." Friendship can be that hand let down. 

 By the way, do you realize that when the New Testament tax collector Matthew found the Lord, he invited all of his friends to a party in order to meet Jesus?  I guess you could say he was into “party evangelism.”

3.         Friendship also meets many of our own personal needs, such as:

·        Recreation,

·        A listening ear

·        Help and cheer when help or cheer is needed

·        Understanding

Soon after Jack Benny, the famous comedian, died, George Burns was interviewed on TV about his famous friend.  "We had a wonderful friendship for nearly 55 years," said Burns.  "Jack and I laughed together, played together, worked together, and we ate together.  I suppose for many of those years we talked EVERY SINGLE DAY."

 So how does one build good, strong friendships?

1.         make building friendships a TOP PRIORITY. do it on purpose.

One of the biggest reasons so many people are lonely is that they do not devote themselves sufficiently to building relationships.  It takes time to cultivate a friend.  Someone has thus noted: "Some people make enemies instead of friends because it is less trouble; it takes less time."

 Friends, as Christians, this should not be the case.

 Christ was a master at friendships. He placed great emphasis on real caring relationships. 

·        He fed the 5,000,

·        commissioned the 70,

·        discipled the 12,

·        had an inner circle of 3,

·        and yet John, the disciple whom the Lord loved, seemed to be the closest, his nearest friend.

Notice John 15:15: “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends....”

 Can you imagine the thrill of having Jesus call you His friends?  And yet these men were His friends.

·        He ate with them;

·        He took walks with them;

·        He went fishing with them;

·        He traveled with them;

·        He helped them; prayed with them;

·        He was open.  He confided in them.

 It has been said that the way a man divides out his time is often the best indicator of his scale of values.  And if one follows Jesus through the pages of the Gospels, it is plain that His friends were of great importance to Him.  He obviously made them a high priority.

 Do you remember in John 11:35 how the Lord wept at the tomb of Lazarus?  Verse 36 notes:  “And so the Jews were saying, ‘Behold how He loved him.’”  In verse 11 of this chapter, Jesus calls Lazarus His friend.

 Luke 7:34 tells us that He was likewise a friend of the publicans and sinners.

 Then Luke 16:1-13 gives us one of the Lord's parables -- The Parable of the Unjust Stewart. 

The moral of the story seems to be captured in verse 9 where Jesus says, “And I say, make friends for yourselves.”

 The Bible says that Jesus left us a blessed example.  As such, He assigned a top priority to relationships.

 2.         realize that most friendships have been built up over a period of time BY REPEATED ACTS OF KINDNESS.

·        Colossians 3:12 notes that one of the marks of the Spirit-controlled life is KINDNESS.

·        Ephesians 4:32, likewise commands: “Be kind to one another. . .”

·        This virtue is likewise seen as being one of the Fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22.

It's perfect example is again seen in Jesus Christ. 

 I love the story I heard about an eight-year-old boy who sat in class, taking a test.  He became so nervous and distraught about completing the test on time that he suddenly wet his pants.  Horrors!  He looked down and saw a little puddle there beneath him.  Sick with worry and embarrassment, he looked up just in time to see his teacher motioning him to her desk.  But how could he move?  What would he do?  Noticing that the boy seemed frozen in his chair, the teacher got up from her desk and began walking down the aisle toward him.  Oh no!  he groaned to himself.  What in the world am I going to do now?  She’s going to see this puddle and everybody will laugh.  It’s going to be horrible.

What he didn’t know was at that very moment one of his classmates, a little girl, was coming down the aisle from behind him carrying a large fishbowl.  When she got up alongside him, she suddenly lurched and dropped the heavy bowl.  It shattered with a loud crash and sent water, broken glass, and displaced fish flying everywhere.  Now covered by fish-tank water, the boy sat there thinking, Thank God!  There IS a God in heaven!  What a wonderful gift!  What a wonderful girl!

But then it dawned on him that little boys don’t even like little girls.  He couldn’t possibly let the incident pass.  He looked at her and said, “What’s wrong with you, you clumsy clod?  Can’t you watch where you’re going?!”  As the class laughed at the girl the teacher took the boy (now covered by dignity) to the gym class to get him some dry clothes to wear.

At lunchtime, no one wanted to set with the girl.  Her friends avoided her at recess.  In the unforgiving society of elementary school, she was suddenly a plague and a social outcast.

When the day was over and the boy was on his way home, he walked out the door and saw her.  All the kids were leaving, but she was walking by herself, along the fence.  He began to reflect on what had happened that day and suddenly--on an impulse--walked over to her.

"You know,” he said, “I’ve been thinking about what happened today.  That wasn’t an accident, was it?  You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” she said.  “I did do it on purpose.  I knew what had happened to you.  You see, I wet my pants once, too.”

 Someone has noted that a friend is, "Someone who comes in when all the world goes out."

1 Corinthians 13:4 simply says, “Love is kind.”  So is friendship. 

 3.         BE FRIENDLY

How many of you would like to become the president of the company you work for? A survey by Nation's Business, a magazine of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, reveals that there are three requirements to become a company president: Flexibility, experience or education, and an attractive personality.

 Along this line, let me ask you, who is your best friend? Why? To answer that, I want you to think of the one thing that you admire most about that friend. In John C. Maxwell’s book entitled Developing The Leader Within You, he says that 95% of your descriptive words will represent attitudes for which the friends are admired, not their looks or skills.

The Bible simply states:  “A man that has friends must show himself friendly.” 

·        Love begets love.

·        Kindness begets kindness.

·        It's a strong Biblical principle:  “Whatever we sow, we reap.”

·        To have friends, sow friendliness!

 Having said that, let me tell you what people like to talk about:

·        THEMSELVES: They like to tell about what has happened to them, or what they've seen or done.

·        THEIR OPINIONS: People are often eager to express their opinions; to tell what they think regarding a matter of interest.

·        OTHER PEOPLE: People like talking about other people. 

·        THINGS: Weather, TV shows, current events, etc. This moves up on the list if you inquire concerning their opinion on the thing.

·        And what comes up last on the list?  YOU! Sorry. But with work, even this can be interesting if kept short and one eliminates such negative things as operations, family arguments, or one's own personal criticisms.

 In short, you can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

 Again, Jesus is seen as a master at this. Instead of dealing in deep theological jargon, he spoke often of a lost son, a lost sheep, the sparrows. He told stories.  He asked questions. He found some “Common ground with them...” He was truly and obviously interested in the lives and the world of OTHERS. His conversions reflected this.

 Before I go on to my next guideline, let me put in a word about eating together.  This is a proven way of developing friendships.  In fact, it is no accident that so many of the important encounters between Jesus and His friends occurred while they were together eating including: 

·        A wedding where He turned water into wine;

·        A supper where Mary of Bethany anointed the Lord's feet; 

·        The Last Supper.

 There's just something special about breaking bread together that is good for friendships.  By the way, I would like to invite you again to tonight’s “chat and chew” fellowship evening worship. It will be different and enjoyable. 

 While here, I was reading of a church bulletin a while back that stated: "Pot luck supper.  Prayer and medication follow."

 The poet wrote: 

                        "I went out to find a friend,

                        But could not find one there.

                        I went out to be a friend,

                        And friends were everywhere!"

4.         Talk of your affection for the person.

·        Call your friends, friend.

·        Let the person know that you consider him or her someone special.

·        Compliment the person to others.

·        Build him or her up.

There's magic in this.  Again, remember how many times the Lord referred to His friends as friends. 

 5.         Pray for your friends.

·        Tell them on occasion that you're holding them up in prayer.

·        That shows concern on your part for their well being.

·        It gives God an opportunity to bless them.

6.         Be committed and loyal to your friends.  let them know that they are valued.

The Bible describes Jesus as a friend “Who sticks closer than a brother.” 

·        He has promised never to leave us or to forsake us.

·        He has already proven His love by bearing our sins to the cross.

·        He speaks words of encouragement and care to us in His Word.

·        He daily blesses us with a “daily load of benefits.”

·        He dares invite you to be a part of His family forever.

Wow! If you ask me, that is placing value on a person; a relationship.